The Variety pack.

Traditions should never be changed!

Come on people, don’t associate vodka with christmas quality at hanukah prices! Neither of those holidays are celebrated with those holidays.

Cleary the Polish and Russian’s should watch Stephen Colbert and then they would know vodka is for easter.

If you drink enough, it will rise again.

Or maybe y’all just meant by the billboard that shit that this vodka is so good and priced so reasonably that you can enjoy it for 8 crazy nights in a row!

The Polish wouldn’t make fun of Jews right? Cause the Nazi regime just called them jews anyways. It was a burn - burn situation.

Where’s Steve Jobs when you need all the answers?!

I have always spent, during my earlier years consciously making an effort too and what i consider now to be relatively second nature to understand all aspects and views, educated myself fully before I ever state my opinion on something. Without fully educating myself on a topic and the different views and opinions held about that topic by either the general population or direct involved parties how can I possibly form and then dare to publicly announce and stand by an opinion I formed without first understanding to my capacity, fully a situation.

Right now, I am faced with the life question of what makes me happy. What in this whole world makes me happy right now. Is it reading? Is it school? Is it sociology? Still psychology? Growing weed? Smoking weed? Traveling? What is it?

Clearly, not only have I unfortunately noticed but most every one in my life has noticed as well that I am not happy and desperately need to just search for what will make me happy. I’m terrified. Not that I won’t find it, but fearful of the financial struggle while I’m searching I may face and what if I love something that doesn’t also provide me with a successful career. Like, perhaps I love studying clouds and wind patterns? What the hell job do you do with that type of “degree.”

Oh yeah I’m a Professional Meteorologist with a speciality in fucking winds?!

I would look at myself like an idiot - or like a very curious and intellectual individual. Fuck I have no idea. Its obvious I need to search for what makes me happy. Unfortunately I have absolutely no fucking clue where to start with that. Do I drop out of school? Do I leave after this semester or say fuck what’s literally already fucked and ditch now? Do I figure it out while I’m also in school? What do I do about money? How long should I search? Should I have a back up plan just in case?

I am unable to weigh out and educate myself about this topic to make a grounded opinion. I’m completely in the dark and have no direction as to were I can access information to use in order to formulate an opinion. I’m finding myself at the edge of my own mental cliff staring outwards into dark abyss, shuddering at the cold realization that the only way I may be able to find out what I think about this, the only way to become grounded again now, is to just step out into that abyss. I may fall, I may not. It may always be dark, it may open into a bright paradise. I may search forever, I may find what I’m seeking almost instantaneously. These questions plaque my brain and keep me within a box of fear. I can’t answer these questions without taking that metaphorical “jump,” but my questions pose both positive and negative consequences but both forms of plausible consequence being its most severe. Maybe thats the fear. Is it as black and white as I’m seeing it? Is it pass or fail? Sink or swim?

Or am I still young. Does this time my therapists speaks of truly exist - this time in which I can search for true happiness. Whose telling me I’m running out of time at that? Did I know you previously? Or have I always thought I knew who was ticking my mental clock. Maybe there’s no time constraints, I just think there are. Maybe all the pressure I feel to fit within these time brackets is self-induced. If so, I hate myself right now.

Whether because its easier than actually writing the paper or whether because I’ve truly stepped in the process of accepting my recent future goal to wander around, and I am letting go into the void - at this point I’m to exhausted and just plain ol’ fed up with trying to figure it out again - so whatever, I say fuck it today. Fuck that research paper, if it happens it happens. I’m not sure I even care enough to study for the test I’m scheduling to take tomorrow morning. I might read today, or go to the occupy site. I have no idea, but I’m going to attempt to run off the principle that no one can dictate my life because its mine. I’m living this shit, its my time, and I’ll be damned if I can’t spend it how I want. Who the FUCK have I been thinking is telling me I can’t??!! Society? Parents? Peers? When have I cared what they fucking think!? FUCK!

My inner turmoil is great. I want that abyss but am too afraid to jump. Won’t you please just push me?